Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
