Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
