The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
