wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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