census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
