I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
