saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
