worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Can you bring me the toilet please
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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