ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
