i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
