her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
