what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
