You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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