He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
