Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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