You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
