we're blogging at a bar
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
