No I am not eating basil off your cock
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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