TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
