"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
