I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
