Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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