I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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