very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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