the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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