Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
