i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
