In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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