It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
