Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
