can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
