Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
