the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
