you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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