She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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