I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
