Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
