You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
