so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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