i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
