he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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