So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
