dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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