Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
