apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
