You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
