Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
