It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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