Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
