My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
