I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
