His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
