Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
